Desiderata

Not Just a Wall Flower....

There’s a Switchfoot song that says “We were meant to live for so much more, have we lost ourselves?…” and then another one that says “It was a beautiful letdown.  The day I knew…that I don’t belong here.”

Same.  Different.  Connected. Contradictory?  At first glance maybe.  

I’ve just come through a busy time.   Sometimes the busyness throws you off centre….   Realizing that you’ve lost your balance is an unsettling moment.  You realize that some of your priorities are out of whack and what shakes you is that you’ve allowed the moments and deadlines to drive you to distraction.   You’ve followed plans and steps but haven’t always asked for a blessing on it.   It just needed to be done and since it’s in line with your general calling, God must be okay with it all.   There’s that screech again.

Slow down.  Take a deep breath.  Turn it all off for a day. Pray. Read. Focus. And start again.  

I am meant to live for so much more.   And yes, I do lose myself sometimes.  The “me” I’m supposed to be, was created to be, and not the one life sometimes demands me to be.  I focus so hard on getting the notes right that I forget to make music.   Right now the one that I was created to be wants to decorate for Christmas.  The one life demands me to be needs to finish writing a newsletter.   It’s already half written.   And I love to write so I look forward to finishing it and adding some ideas that fell into my thoughts when I turned it all off for a day.  Doing all the things that life demands I do is like the technical writing of the music and I love to make sure it is done well…. and the creative things: the writing, the cards, the decorating…that adds the color and the artistry….it too is part of the musicianship of writing a score.  My life needs to have balance to reflect the beauty of the One who made me.   I am more than a skill-set.

But sometimes life throws things that I find hard to process.   Sometimes I get disappointed with human nature.  Things happen.  People behave badly.  I struggle to wrap my mind around those things.  Why can’t I stay unaffected by “stuff”?  Why do I feel that pain?  On those days it comforts me that I wasn’t created just for this world…what a beautiful let down.  I don’t belong here.  These disappointments shouldn’t feel normal to me.  They pain my heart.  They pain my Maker’s heart.   In the beginning, He created mankind to know only goodness and kindness.

And so these musings are little escapes from the daily grind.  From the things I have to do and get done: a step back to focus on how the details make up the whole picture.   It makes me realize that the way I do those things should look different.  If I’m blooming where I’m planted I shouldn’t just be a wall flower but a living stone  People should be able to see my Maker in me and that somehow I do belong here, because that is His purpose for me right now.  But…in the grand scheme of things, this is all temporary.    I’m in the “here and now” but someday I will look back.  I will have to give account.   I should invest and serve in such a way that  I won’t regret how I spent my time.  So today I have to be thoughtful and want to reflect prayerfully on how I move forward.  I know I can only spend my time once.   Experience teaches that lesson, sometimes delightfully but often painfully.    

I have some realignment to do; there are important temporal things that have to get done.    But the way I do those things in the context of hindsight, will make all the difference.    


Others may not understand the rationale.   

Sometimes priorities just defy worldly logic.

Biggest Small Group

It's going to be a bit anticlimatic getting back to work right about now....so I'm punching out for a bit...just to contemplate.   Being self-employed has its perks.

Spiritual emphasis week took place at the high school this week.  The theme is "Being transformed through Christ".    I was able to go to 3 of the 5 chapels this week...and it's been so great to just soak in this message.  Life is sooo hectic right now and these oasis moments have been an opportunity to focus on God and what He has done, is doing, and wants to do in my life.  

I'm sitting in the crowd with a couple of hundred teenagers...also soaking in these words, or at least being showered with these words.  I hope they experience a sprinkling....a watering of the seed that is in their souls...    This work is ongoing...even in those of us who have navigated the waters of adolescence...still works in progress.   Still transforming, still being encouraged and still seeking to be conduits of God's glory here in this world.  

Even today, I have to be who I am in the place where God has called me to be.  To accept myself ...all my fears and failures and to claim my identity in Him....the way He created me to be.   To bloom fully and reflect that out into the world and back to Him.   His workmanship in me.

I haven't arrived....but I'm on the Way.  

Do You See What I See?

 I have to admit that I rarely take as many photos as I wish I did.   Part of that is not wanting to live a life behind the lens but being in the moment. ...especially when the moment is fleeting.   Recently, an opportunity to visit PEI presented itself and I jumped at it! I wish I took more photos....    One cold morning I did sneak out for a bit.   Just to get the lay of the land.   There's just something about it.

An old Kenny Rogers' song talks about "still walking the furrowed fields of my mind"...and while I am no Reuben James....that visual resonates with me. 
The farm and my people at home are busy harvesting.   I was surprised how much I loved riding in the truck and tractor with my brothers, visiting the field and the warehouse...just like the old days.   
I loved the wide open space...seeing the weather move in and move along.   I loved being able to hear the surf pound    I loved standing in front of the barn that used to house my horse...miserable cuss that he was.

 I loved the smell of trucks and potatoes and soil.    When I drive in my current countryside and smell farm smells....this is where it takes me....these fields of my mind.   This place.   The place I grew up and that still holds some of my roots....and people that I have journeyed with.    It was especially neat to worship in my "home" church with the people who made promises when I made Profession of Faith.  I loved making cards with my sisters and their daughters.  To be creative together and inspire and encourage each other...but mostly...just to be in the same room together. 

So my mind loves both details and wide open spaces, reconnecting with the people.    Technology allows us glimpses into each other lives but it's the face to face time that re-roots us.  

Wow...the family reunion is so far away.

Don't They know It's October?

 The other day I looked out into the garden and saw this crazy riot of color.  There are hundreds of blooms in my garden and I did everything wrong when I planted these seeds:  It was late in the season, I didn't water them, and I didn't pay close attention to their light requirements.

Don't they know that it's October!!!  Other plants in the garden are looking scraggly and are losing their leaves....they're reacting to the colder weather and shorter days, following their natural cycle.  

Getting back to the plant analogy from a post or two ago I looked out and thought to myself: "Wow, what kind of plant do I have to be to look like that!!?"  

As soon as I said it I realized that I don't get to choose what kind of plant I want to be.  God has created me and predetermined who I would be, complete with His wonderful plans and purposes for me.    But do I have a part in choosing to bloom, or even how I bloom,  where I am planted?

This week's lesson for my small group Bible study will cover the parable of the sower.   I know....how fitting, right?   In it, the sower sows the seed and the seed falls in different places.  I have to believe that the sower wills it that way and that the seed doesn't have a lot of say.     The job of a seed is simply to grow despite its circumstances, and in spite of  the weather conditions, and to trust that the sower has prepared a place where it will thrive.

Today I am facing a disappointment.   I feel like I'm giving/ it's taking a lot of the energy.    The circumstance in which I find myself will not change, but how I deal with it, is completely up to me. Do I give in to discouragement and let my countenance droop, or do I lift my face toward His radiant light and let Him do his thing.   I have to trust that He will sustain me...like that tree in Jeremiah 17 "...It does not fear when heat comes: its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit...."

I want to be part of a crazy riot of color in my spot.    I want other plants to wonder why I'm not packing it in to prepare for winter but just bloom with reckless abandon.    Not hiding that I have disappointments but simply choosing NOT to dwell on them.  Hanging onto the promises because they will not fail.  Especially when it feels like October.....

I'm reading my Bible-In-A-Year.  Occasionally I get a few days behind, but I'm trying to stay on track.   The readings are from Jeremiah right now...and yesterdays' section was from Jeremiah 31....  These are pieces that I love.   "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving kindness.  I will build you up again. ...For the LORD will ransom and redeem Jacob...   They will be like a well-waterd garden and they will sorrow no more.  They will turn their mourning into gladness;  I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow."  And from Jeremiah 32 "...Is anything to hard for me?  I will rejoice in doing them good and will assuredly plant them in this land with all my heart and soul."

Quick additional comment- Thanks Jannette for your comment!    This morning at Coffee Break we talked about God's Word taking root in our hearts.    THAT is what sustains us....in spite of what goes on around us.   The Word is the seed....and it has a lot to say :)

And I thought I would link up with Beki at The Rusted Chain for "Finger Print Friday".

Something About Sam....

I'm trying to figure it out. Trying to understand why I feel such a profound sense of loss and why it moves me so deeply.  A restlessness.  And today I realized that it stems from my need to compartmentalize things in order to file them away.  It's how I process things and this blog is often a way to digest things in my mind....to think something through and understand it.   And then I share it here. Maybe somewhere along the way...an insight might help someone else. 

Sam Bos was remembered at my son's school this morning.  He would have turned 15 today and we celebrated the place he had in the lives of his schoolmates and school community.  Then we gathered outside the school and released balloons after praying together and were invited to release our cares to the Lord.

As a mom, I didn't know Sam personally.   He was a 9th grader in the life of my 9th grader.  But when I was 17, a fellow 17 year old in my life died.   I lost a classmate, a friend I went to youth group with, went to Young People rallies with, drank an occasional beer with....   I know that kind of loss.    I hugged his mom and dad at his visitation.  They loved it that we came as friends to share in their loss.   I went to his funeral.  And I saw his mom and dad continue to grieve.  It seems like they stayed sad for the rest of their lives.  I know that life goes on but that it's never the same.

When I was 26 or so, a 26 year old girlfriend of mine died.  She was in a car accident the day after Joe was born.   I couldn't go to the visitation and I couldn't attend her funeral.   She was a really strong believer and her testimony was all about being here on earth until God's work for her was done.  That changed how I looked at life.

Today I found it hard to believe that Sam's work on earth was done.   But at the memorial service I heard what an impact Sam's life had on his classmates and how his faith was something he lived out, and how his positive nature and smile could always lift someone's spirit. That work is still going on, even though he is no longer physically here.    He is not gone, just somewhere else.   How does losing someone like that change those who occupy the space where he was?  15 and already leaving a legacy.

Part of my struggle has been to regain the perspective of what is important in life.   In the grand scheme of things the work I do with my hands has so little importance.  It is the heart and spirit that I pour into it that makes the difference.  If I'm no longer doing it for the right reasons then maybe it's time to move on.  Maybe.  Maybe not.   Maybe it's time to adjust the motive.

I can rest in the shadow of His Wings until the disaster passes.    I can cry out to God Most High, who fulfills His purpose for me.  He sends from heaven and saves me...God sends His Love and His faithfulness.  My heart is steadfast.  Great is His Love, reaching to the heavens: His Faithfulness to the skies.  Pieces of Psalm 57

So excuse me while I adjust.  It might take some time.   I'm trying to rediscover the importance and significance in the things I do and say.  I want the people in my world to be just as rocked by this as I am.  I want them to be rocked to change and not be satisfied with just getting by...

What will you do with the time that's left? - Mark Schultz

A favorite blog ended with this quote today:
 
This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind…let it be something good. Author Unknown.

It's Not Easy Being Green

When I drive my eyes occasionally drift over to what's growing on the side of the road.  Our area of Ontario experienced some really hot dry weather this summer and I was amazed at how many green things were still growing along the roadside in the middle of August.  I thought there should be dead yellow and brown grass. Instead I saw a lot of green:  bull-rushes, goldenrod, loose-strife, asters...  The lush green grass of Spring may be gone but that`s only because it has finished its cycle.    My bleeding heart plant gives it up around the beginning of August if I`ve watered it faithfully.  And then I just saw it off at the ground.  Same with the poppy, spider-wort, etc...  These plants are Spring`s first signs of  life but they are short lived.     Then there are plants that need a longer season to grow.   Like corn they need the heat units of summer and don`t show their spectacular blooms until the fall and carry on with reckless abandon until the frost finishes them.  

Often when we imagine growth in ourselves and in the world around us, we expect lushness and greenness, that "other side of the fence" kind of greenness. We expect that growth will follow a pattern.  Sometimes we need to stretch and challenge ourselves, and God gives strength and courage for us to follow His Leading.   But often we experience growth after spending time in the wilderness.

Rarely do we get to choose how we will grow or in which season we will do our growing.  In my experience, God has more to say about that than I do.    Yet when we allow God to do His Work in us, we will grow, we will bloom and we will produce the seed that He needs us to share with the world.  

About Going Back to that Other Routine....

"So I commend the enjoyment of life, because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad.  Then joy will accompany him into his work all the days of the life God has given him under the sun." 
Eccl 8: 15

....a fitting reading for Labor Day.  

We are on the eve of routine, preparing to go with a different flow. 

So much has happened this summer, so much has changed, and so much has stayed the same.   We have gone away alone, we've gone on some family day trips, we've gone to friends' houses and have just stayed in town, around the house.  Our landscape and social fabric changes.   Old friends go and new friends come.

A really difficult event of this past summer was attending the funeral for a classmate of our youngest son.   As a parent I listened to the siblings, the dad, and watched the slideshow.  You can't help but try to put yourself in their shoes....and you come away with a totally different perspective on what is really important in life.   It makes you not want to be in a hurry. You want to make sure you say the I love yous and you make sure you go places together and take the photos. 

This morning we learned that a classmate of our youngest was hospitalized yesterday after a cycling accident.  He is in critical condition with a head injury. The son of a friend of mine, also sustained a head injury this summer.   We are continually confronted with the fragility and brevity of life.   How quickly we head out the door each day, assuming that life will always ebb and flow predictably.  

So on this eve....I have to be glad.  I can head into this new season, having spent the last one under the sun making sure we had times of gladness together.  There was a time for everything. You enjoy the laughter and the good times.  And you work through the difficult things because it's worth it.   And you never know how many days God will give you or your loved ones.  You just have to make the most of every moment and make sure to fill each moment with all the love and gladness you can muster.

...and trust that your times are in His Hands (Psalm 31:15).

My Life as a Rock Star!

Sometimes you just can't share with the Facebook "world" what a great day you had and what you accomplished.  But you?  You are my special people and you love it when I have an awesome day.

I had a great day today, in a summer that felt like Ecclesiastes...but that's another story for another day.

Today was so much fun!


I did a quick job at work and will go and do the real work tomorrow.   Got home and started some laundry...and really wanted to go and make cards...but knew some work needed to be finished before I could relax and enjoy that.

It all started when I had lunch with my friend Nancy, earlier this week,  and we went thrifting!   I found a great little 4 tier 9" x 37" metal shelf for $4.95.  Perfect for shoes!   Perfect!!   So this morning I took all the shoes off the yucky black one in the laundry room, move the semi-functional one to the laundry room...moved the dehumidifier into the cubby where IT used to sit and put the new shelf where the de-hummer was.   Perfect.    The yucky black one is now in the garage and has the grass-cutting shoes and rubber boots on it.    Good bye to constantly tracking grass up AND down the stairs.

We don't need less shoes.  Don't even think about it! (THAT is a pair of wedding "klompen" to celebrate our Dutch heritage :)

Then I sewed with my youngest  for the afternoon.  He is 15 and very resourceful.   He came to me with an old strap and an old back pack and asked for a shoulder holster for an air-soft pistol.  Last winter he fabricated bindings for an old skateboard and made his own snow board....and then Santa brought a real snow board  found at a thrift store.    First he made a holster prototype, then we looked at images online, decided on the best model with the materials we had at hand, and made a pattern.   We used the buckles, a snap hook, and fabric from the backpack, some Velcro, and some elastic from an old hockey strap and voila!    A very happy lad.

Around supper time I was struck by a sudden craving for a sweet Mexican bean salad, similar to one I had at work yesterday.  Checked my cookbooks, Googled and decided on ingredients.   Beans (chick-peas and regular rinsed brown beans), olive oil, red wine vinegar, sugar, garlic, cilantro, onion, tomato, green pepper, fresh ground sea salt and black pepper, and some cumin.   It was delish!  Even my honey-baby, who is not a bean salad fan, liked it a lot.

So today? ....I am a Rock Star!

Making The Most Of Summer

 We have been trying to squeeze in a few more outings as summer is winding down.  Baseball is finished for the season and usually that marks the beginning of the end.   The evenings of August are nice and cool again when compared to July.  And it seems as if school routines are just around the corner.  Over the last week we  went to East Park for a day of mini golf, gokarting, and then pizza and a matinee (The Rise of The Planet of the Apes) and I rounded out my day with a board meeting.    (I know how to have a good time!)  As much as we try to keep a firm grip on the lazy days of summer, we know that the fall is coming.   Going to my first meeting of the season reminded me of what I enjoy about everyone going back to school.    It's good to feel productive.   I love that feeling.    The key is find the balance.    But it's very Biblical to enjoy summer rest and togetherness.   There is a time for everything under the sun.   

 The Wonderland trip was a lot of fun.   I discovered that I am a big fan of roller coasters!!  Skyrider. Vortex.  Windseeker.  Behemoth.

Ray...not so much.  

A Night at Delaware Speedway

Cars 64 and 39 ended up coming in 1st and 2nd....camaros of course.

First heat, turn 4.

Pace car...er, truck....

This car was parked up the street from us for a few weeks.

NOTE:  T shirt canons.

...heading into turn two.

Team 22 waiting for the next heat.

Setting up an obstacle for the Chaos cars...just a little bump.

Chaos cars: the barrel-turn in turn one....

oops....a roll over!

The only train entered for the train races that night...became an obstacle in the Chaos car race....

The sun sets on another night of racing....

We try to get out to the stock car races at least once or twice every summer.   Our favourite?  Enduro races.

Good Times

It has really felt like birthday week this week!  So much fun and we were looking forward to this outing to Toronto.  Everyone had different things that they wanted to see and we managed to find time to do ALL those things.  Even a wild goose chase!

We toured Chinatown, visited Europe Bound (across from MEC), the Eaton Centre, the PUMA "store", and we took in a Jays game.

There are always interesting sights and sounds.  Ray loves the buskers, some of them are really good!  Joe loved haggling with the street vendors and such. Craig enjoyed the masses of people and the Eaton Centre.  People watching is always neat.  At one point we were told that we looked like tourists.   After pondering that for a moment, we realized that one sees very few families in downtown Toronto.

I enjoyed being with my own 3 people.   Watching them with each other, enjoying the game and the adventure....and the food; as a people, we are the happiest when our tummies are full.   

Highlights?  Chinatown and its markets and shops, Freshslice Pizza, and Brett Lawrie's grand slam.

Ever So Slightly Infatuated

I think I may have a thing for butterflies.  I was at Up The Street today and picked up a punch I had ordered....and then I spent some of my birthday money.   That's so much fun!! 

Monday again

Sunday kind of got skipped and we're straight into a holiday Monday.  Walmart was open and after a little consolidating I had a memory stick with photos ready to go!    Such fun to cut them out and put them in my pages.   A few layouts to go and then it's done!

I'm glad I sorted my photos each during WITL..
I was thankful for the journaling sheets.
I really loved the photo ideas gleaned from seeing other people's blogs.

I loved opening the envelope of photos!!!  My photos are my most expensive item and I splurged with one hour processing.   I am planning to use items from my stash for my album.

Saturday ...

Wow.  The final day.  And it turned out to be a day not lived behind the lens.   That's real life.  Started the day with coffee and reading the paper....and lingering deliciously long.   My friend came to the door and I was still in "bedhead and jammies" mode.    She's like a sister and can see me that way.  We spent the morning and early afternoon working on a slideshow  about the mission trip our youth group attended, in Washington DC.

 And then I was off on a road trip for the rest of the day.  25 of us had an early dinner and attended a play named "Vimy".   I was able to ride with some very  favourite people.  I'm so lucky to have amazing friends, who feel more like family.   One of them wears these flip flops :)

 It takes a small convoy to transport 25 people through the country side.A lovely, toasty-warm day for a drive....a day away ... together. I'm a big fan of "together".

Here we sit in the lovely shade, in the lovely little town of Blyth, with the cute litte playhouse that seats just 500 people....such an intimate setting.   I love these people from my church family.

  And I love visiting the shops in little towns. Who could resist these little sparrows? Certainly not I.  


Thanks for coming along on my WITL.  I will try to put it together over the next week-ish.

Friday (Really?)

 I got it at a yardsale!  Honest!  Today I woke up really late 8:40 and drank coffee outside.  It was warm and sticky already.   Upside?  The rain we received won't evaporate right away!!! Like Martha says:  "It's a good thing."

My dishwasher is not working.   I love a sink full of hot suds.

"His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me."     Seeing this little guy on the windowsill when cooking or washing is a great reminder that I'm not floundering away on my own down here.    He always loves me.  Always!

 Love this guy!!  And the slightly freakish hound at his side is okay too!

 One of my favourite blog features is OTTT ( On the TurnTable Today).  These find themselves in my 5 disc exchanger today.   I still love CD's and liner notes...all the best ones have fallen into the dishwater at least once.  

 I think blue is my happy color.  Actually, I KNOW blue is my happy color.    And green.   I love green.   Especially this green.  

 ....and I love this candle from one of my soul sisters.    And this clock which I got from IKEA.   

 ...and I love my bathroom.   I am a cleaning dervish.   Just a blur.   Super-fast.  Super-efficient. Super-clean.  Superwoman.   You can borrow my cape if you want to.

 Does your family love "I Spy" as much as ours does?   Little B and Joe had a great time with these for a bit of mellow time this morning :)

 ...and they colored.  I'm keeping the finished art in my WITL binder!

Before supper I dyed two shirts.  Dye-ing is easy.  Just do it!  

I did NOT cook chicken and zucchini stir-fry in the same pan.   A few months ago I picked up a new Jamie Oliver cookbook. Good food.  So simple. So fresh.  So yummy. 

And that's about it for today.  I took more photos than I thought I would today.  It was grayish and muggy all morning.   And I thought my chores would be boring subjects.  But I'm amazed at the fun photos that came out.

One thing that I've been doing is writing an essay each day.  It may about something I want to remember or it might describe a photo I took.  I love to write and it's only natural that I include something written each day.   Some days it flows and some days it doesn't.   I love the way I can make this project mine. 

I'm taking more photos than I thought I would.   And I'm going to develop more than I thought I would.   I ended up with great photos of our family doing their thing around the house.  My siblings live really far away and it's fun to show the everyday that I talk about.   I'm really thankful for this project.   It has become OUR Week In The Life....not just mine.