Something About Sam....

I'm trying to figure it out. Trying to understand why I feel such a profound sense of loss and why it moves me so deeply.  A restlessness.  And today I realized that it stems from my need to compartmentalize things in order to file them away.  It's how I process things and this blog is often a way to digest things in my mind....to think something through and understand it.   And then I share it here. Maybe somewhere along the way...an insight might help someone else. 

Sam Bos was remembered at my son's school this morning.  He would have turned 15 today and we celebrated the place he had in the lives of his schoolmates and school community.  Then we gathered outside the school and released balloons after praying together and were invited to release our cares to the Lord.

As a mom, I didn't know Sam personally.   He was a 9th grader in the life of my 9th grader.  But when I was 17, a fellow 17 year old in my life died.   I lost a classmate, a friend I went to youth group with, went to Young People rallies with, drank an occasional beer with....   I know that kind of loss.    I hugged his mom and dad at his visitation.  They loved it that we came as friends to share in their loss.   I went to his funeral.  And I saw his mom and dad continue to grieve.  It seems like they stayed sad for the rest of their lives.  I know that life goes on but that it's never the same.

When I was 26 or so, a 26 year old girlfriend of mine died.  She was in a car accident the day after Joe was born.   I couldn't go to the visitation and I couldn't attend her funeral.   She was a really strong believer and her testimony was all about being here on earth until God's work for her was done.  That changed how I looked at life.

Today I found it hard to believe that Sam's work on earth was done.   But at the memorial service I heard what an impact Sam's life had on his classmates and how his faith was something he lived out, and how his positive nature and smile could always lift someone's spirit. That work is still going on, even though he is no longer physically here.    He is not gone, just somewhere else.   How does losing someone like that change those who occupy the space where he was?  15 and already leaving a legacy.

Part of my struggle has been to regain the perspective of what is important in life.   In the grand scheme of things the work I do with my hands has so little importance.  It is the heart and spirit that I pour into it that makes the difference.  If I'm no longer doing it for the right reasons then maybe it's time to move on.  Maybe.  Maybe not.   Maybe it's time to adjust the motive.

I can rest in the shadow of His Wings until the disaster passes.    I can cry out to God Most High, who fulfills His purpose for me.  He sends from heaven and saves me...God sends His Love and His faithfulness.  My heart is steadfast.  Great is His Love, reaching to the heavens: His Faithfulness to the skies.  Pieces of Psalm 57

So excuse me while I adjust.  It might take some time.   I'm trying to rediscover the importance and significance in the things I do and say.  I want the people in my world to be just as rocked by this as I am.  I want them to be rocked to change and not be satisfied with just getting by...

What will you do with the time that's left? - Mark Schultz

A favorite blog ended with this quote today:
 
This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind…let it be something good. Author Unknown.