Bites of Reality

"Life sometimes gets so bogged down in the details, you forget you are living it."  -Jodi Picoult from My Sister's Keeper.  

I was caught off guard by this quote from my reading group's most recent selection. It reminded me of how life feels at times: sometimes you get so caught up in getting the notes right, that you forget to make music. Not exactly going through the motions but losing sight of the proverbial grand scheme of things; the length and breadth of life.  If life is like a motion picture, your favourite music is the sound track of your life.  You can get stuck on one scene where you just can't seem to get the right perspective, and you go over it and over it.

As I am on the eve of remaking a decision I made earlier this spring I realize how close these analogies hit to home

In loving the journey or being on the way somewhere, I have felt a bit lost this past year.  Not really knowing where I am going, or where I am, or if I even want to be where I am. I have always loved the thrill of adventure, and think I miss it. But I realized in the previous post, that I don't look to the horizon like I used to.  I haven't felt eager for adventure, having encountered some valleys.  Struggles that make me re-evaluate my route and traveling companions.

Today I realized that maybe I don't dream as much as I used to. You get bogged down by details that keep life from being lived, music from being made, stuck on replay.  I miss dreaming.  I love to imagine life and all its possibilities!

In the grand scheme of things?  I am incredibly blessed and feel a little self absorbed when I think about the things that get me so down. My family is healthy.  I have not recently lost a child or a spouse. I have great jobs. I do not lack anything materially. I HAVE experienced some intensely personal attacks which have taken a toll on my confidence, if I am honest. The silence on this blog often attests to that. Silence is easier than honesty. 


The answer does not lie inside my head or my heart.  I know I have to lift my eyes to the mountains. -Psalm 121