Truth is, I'm not sure. But I have learned the hard way not to head out unless I'm led out. Where I don't sense leading, I should probably stay put. It's hard for people to understand waiting, as if you have to be on your way somewhere all the time.
While I stay put I need to rest.
Part of my rest has come in the form of my small group(s).
Part of my rest means not taking on new things. Even fun things.
Part of my rest is putting stuff away from the journeys and chapters in my life that are coming to a close. That's just my personality....tying off loose ends and details. But a lot of things have happened that leave a whole host of loose ends flapping in the wind. They are elusive and that makes me restless. Tying them up clears my head. But sometimes you discover that some loose ends will not be tied and you have to let them go. Release them...
Restless.
Knowing the time to move has not arrived.
The things that happen in life have a way of making you re-evaluate..where you've been, where you are going, even if you want to keep going, and if so, if you want to keep doing things the way you've been doing them. Ask yourself....so how's that working out?
What if the answer is..not so great?
Part of my rest has to be doing those things that I know I need to do but am not finding time for. I have to start making time, mostly, just to be. I get so caught up in the things that press that I take myself away from the things that are important. I remove myself from the contexts where I find rest and healing to meet deadlines. Using gifts and talents to meet needs while neglecting the state of my heart and my soul. All of it urgent, and lately sacrificing my peace with my pace. The fragmented parts don't add up to a whole anymore.
I haven't had time to write or to make cards. I haven't made time to respond to the nudges I feel. Denying a part of who I was created to be. Created for wholeness.
It has felt more like wandering that being on a journey. Maybe somewhere along the way we get caught up in the roles we carry out. Even the roles of our callings. We know the direction in which we were going, but it got out of control like a train that is now barreling down the tracks without brakes. Resting is a way of restoring the brakes and evaluating if I'm still on the right track.
So I guess that answers where I've been.
The next step is to see where I'm going...and I'm sure that'll get figured out as things slow down.
Last week I met one of my readers. So cool to know that my writing speaks to others. To bless others as much as I am blessed. I long to get back to writing. Slowing my pace to rediscover my peace. Maybe losing momentum is really the best thing that could happen. :)
1 comment:
Rest... That's something that I'm not really that good at. I grew up watching my mother, always with some sort of project underway. Never sitting without knitting or crocheting keeping her hands busy. I learned that there's always a need for something that I can provide - something that brings comfort and hope to some who have very little of either. I feel guilty sitting with my hands in my lap...! Yet, even though my hands are busy, my mind is often free to think, to pray, to listen, to learn. Maybe I have learned to rest even while my hands are moving...
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