What Does It Means to be Known?

Know me as I am known.

Who knows you?

Who knew you?

I was struck by a smile the other day.   It was on the face of a man who has, over the years, quietly slipped into dementia.   He sometimes smiles when he recognizes someone.  A connection made between his eyes, the maze that is his mind, and his mouth.  A recognition that he is known.   A deeper connection that he senses even when he doesn't fully remember.   What a privilege to be one of those who can evoke a smile.

And so I think about that.   How neat it is to be greeted by the smile on the face of one of your "peeps".  A smile (sometimes even a hug) because they know you and you know them and that connection is something that brings both of you gladness.

Like an onion, there are so many levels on which you are known.   We all long to be known.  There are very few people besides my siblings who have known me for the entire length of my life. Maybe my husband has known me the longest.  We've been married almost as long as I was single!! We have lived in Strathroy for almost 21 years, always on this same block, but before that I hadn’t lived longer than 9 years in any one place. 9 years in the Netherlands, 9 years in PEI, and 3 university years in Ontario. I have one friend who has the same immigration experience as I do, and came to Ontario like I did and then got married and also moved off the Island. It’s neat known someone who’s been through some of the same things that I have been through. Our dads have both passed away but her dad died when she was a teenager and mine when I was 30. Part of being known is sharing the same experience, coming from the same place, and experiencing community from the same perspective.

I miss being known by my parents. I miss the unconditional love and reassurance that you get from a parent. No matter what you’ve gone through together you know they’re always there for you. You could always call home. There are lots of things they never got to see or hear about; things I never got to share with them. Silly things like how much Dad would have loved it that I grew my hair out, but also how proud he would be of my school board work. My mom would have loved the Esther Bible study as much as I did, and it would have been so neat to share the things that I’d learned. She’d be so interested. The way moms are interested in the lives of their daughters. I miss being able to call home and share that I'm struggling with something and know that my Mom would be praying for me.  Now I’m a parent but I’m not someone’s daughter anymore. So what happens to that piece of me? Maybe at the times when I miss them, I miss that little part of my identity.  Part of being known is being loved for who you are, no matter what you do or don't do.

One friend loves canoeing and the back country as much as I do. He gets it. It’s neat to share a common love for something that’s not mainstream. It’s hard to share your enthusiasm about something that not a lot of people find enjoyable. (So it helps to have a good camera and share pictures on your blog!) Parts of being known are like islands, passionate bits that you share with other people, but with whom you share very little else.

Being known is not always easy.  Sometimes being known is difficult and painful. We get comfortable being known a certain way. We like being with people who know us. It’s comfortable. It’s like being polished by a microfibre cloth, nice and soft. It makes us shiny. But part of being known is having someone point out where something in our lives is not right. This is hard and painful but if we’re honest with ourselves… necessary. It’s like being rubbed by sandpaper, rough and gritty. But it smooths out a rough part and only those closest to us know these things about us. Part of being known is having someone want what’s best for you. Part of being known is experiencing pain and growth.

I love being known by my soul sisters; the ones who know me so well they can tell when what I say out loud doesn’t match what they see behind my eyes. I never pretend to be someone I’m not. What you see is what you get. With these friends I don’t have to have it all together. When I struggle, just seeing one of these friends is permission to “lose it”. We know each other on a level where we can share our hearts, be vulnerable, and have a good cry together. Part of being known is sharing when our souls tremble.

There is no one who knows me like my Heavenly Father.  I am fully, completely, and deeply known by One. I AM someone’s daughter still; a daughter of the King. He holds my soul when it trembles, invites me into the shelter of His wings, and covers me with His feathers. He has walked many miles with me…carried me too. The amazing thing is that He knew me before I was born. He knows all the days ordained for me before one of them came to be, and even knows when that last day on earth will be, and when I will enter His Glory. I am loved unconditionally by Him and He is proud of the things I do and loves it when I call on Him. No one else knows me like this, better than I know myself.

Visioning....

I'm reading "Visioneering..." by Andy Stanley.  There's nothing quite like reading a book about the process of visioning to make you think about your future and the direction your life is going.    The reasons why you do some things and not others also come up for contemplation.

It affirms the place where I find myself today, but in terms of Spiritual strategic planning, it makes me think about where I would find myself in 5 years.   It makes me listen to the nudges that I sense and to start praying over them.

Is it possible that I have a different destination to set off toward after I reach the one to which I am currently underway.   Maybe that's what this "waiting" is all about.  To sit in the quiet and take out the map and just look at other places people travel to.

While I sit in the quiet, there are also questions I have to answer: How long will my board term last? Will I renew my term? How long will I work at the church? At the school? What if other jobs come up?  At the school?  Outside the school?  Should I go back to school?   ....and so I just wait some more and wait for the questions to settle and sort themselves out.  One's brain could get tired.   And God holds it in His Hands.  He'll let me know when I need to know.    I just have to make sure I stay available.

Just a few days ago I had to decide about my board term.  Doing something like that makes you take an honest look at yourself.   I shared "It's neat to trace the path when I look at the "tools" that I find in my "toolbox": How the little things gave way to bigger things and how I find myself where I am today, doing the things I do. And I love what I am doing these days." I can't wait to delve into the tedious things of the campaign, after we get all the document writing out of the way."

So I look at the myriad of things that are on my list of things to do.   It's really busy, but today I am enjoying the challenge.  I look at all the different little things that are included in my job description and that somewhere along the line I was equipped for them.  Amazing how, unbeknownst to me, God was preparing me and has prepared me for this.  That I have certain interests and certain tendencies.   It makes me a firm believer that God creates us all for something special and He knows exactly what He's doing.  Never in a million years would I have envisioned this for myself but I've always known that He has a plan, a vision for my life.  When we make ourselves available, even when we're not sure where He's going with all of this, He will take us and continue to make us into the person He intends us to be.  He needs us to fill a special purpose.  Reminds of the apple post. 

I  was reading something by Frederick Buechner the other day about how your calling also shapes you to be the person God intends you to be and how wonderful it is when your vocation/calling touches what really moves you, your gladness.…

"Maybe that means that the voice we should listen to most as we choose a vocation is the voice that we might think we should listen to least, and that is the voice of our own gladness. What can we do that makes us gladdest, what can we do that leaves us with the strongest sense of sailing true North and of peace, which is much of what gladness is? Is it making things with our hands out of wood or stone or paint on canvas? Or is it making something we hope like truth out of words? Or is it making people laugh or weep in a way that cleanses their spirit? I believe that if that is a thing that makes us truly glad, then it is a good thing and it is our thing and it is the calling voice that we were made to answer with our lives."  (The Hungering Dark)

Cool.

I guess its neat to sit and think about it and even neater when you figure some of it out...


"Sometimes I sits and thinks and sometimes I just sits".  Satchel Paige

Who Am I and How Did I Get Here?

How do you tell someone, who doesn't know you, just who you are?
What do you include and what do you leave out?
Oh, I definitely know what I would leave out! 

I suppose it makes a big difference who your audience might be.    If I was sharing who I am with a boss type person, I might include different things then if I was telling my Teen Challenge Student about myself.   My friends know who I am.  I like to think I'm an open book.   I also like to think I'm easy to read, but at times feel like I might be a bit of enigma.  Maybe they have to be good at reading between the lines sometimes.     

Actually, maybe it doesn't really matter who I am...it's not about me. And I know how I got here, besides the whole birds and the bees thing.....   I'm really blessed.  All the good things in my life are straight from God's hand, His fingerprints on my life.  And the tough things?...well,  He has brought me through those things because I am in His hands.   The challenges are things that draw me closer and make me more dependent on God.    The callings are opportunities and invitations to use my gifts to bless others but I know I will be so blessed in return.  That's always how it turns out.  

It feels like I'm on the way somewhere and not simply underway.    I can be content in not knowing the exact destination because I have a great Guide and great traveling companions.   Often we know the next step, but sometimes we have to wait for the timing to be right to keep walking. Maybe there is someone we have to talk to who is not on this journey yet.   Maybe you are supposed to meet up with someone somewhere along the way.  Let's say you just happen to share something that is on your heart and you find out that the person beside you shares the same burden with you (that happened today....four of us even!!!). And sometimes the only reason we have to wait is for the conditions to be right to see a spectacular sunset around the next bend.  Waiting time is never wasted time.

So who am I?

I'm an ordinary walker...just like you.   

And we'll get there....