Not Just a Wall Flower....

There’s a Switchfoot song that says “We were meant to live for so much more, have we lost ourselves?…” and then another one that says “It was a beautiful letdown.  The day I knew…that I don’t belong here.”

Same.  Different.  Connected. Contradictory?  At first glance maybe.  

I’ve just come through a busy time.   Sometimes the busyness throws you off centre….   Realizing that you’ve lost your balance is an unsettling moment.  You realize that some of your priorities are out of whack and what shakes you is that you’ve allowed the moments and deadlines to drive you to distraction.   You’ve followed plans and steps but haven’t always asked for a blessing on it.   It just needed to be done and since it’s in line with your general calling, God must be okay with it all.   There’s that screech again.

Slow down.  Take a deep breath.  Turn it all off for a day. Pray. Read. Focus. And start again.  

I am meant to live for so much more.   And yes, I do lose myself sometimes.  The “me” I’m supposed to be, was created to be, and not the one life sometimes demands me to be.  I focus so hard on getting the notes right that I forget to make music.   Right now the one that I was created to be wants to decorate for Christmas.  The one life demands me to be needs to finish writing a newsletter.   It’s already half written.   And I love to write so I look forward to finishing it and adding some ideas that fell into my thoughts when I turned it all off for a day.  Doing all the things that life demands I do is like the technical writing of the music and I love to make sure it is done well…. and the creative things: the writing, the cards, the decorating…that adds the color and the artistry….it too is part of the musicianship of writing a score.  My life needs to have balance to reflect the beauty of the One who made me.   I am more than a skill-set.

But sometimes life throws things that I find hard to process.   Sometimes I get disappointed with human nature.  Things happen.  People behave badly.  I struggle to wrap my mind around those things.  Why can’t I stay unaffected by “stuff”?  Why do I feel that pain?  On those days it comforts me that I wasn’t created just for this world…what a beautiful let down.  I don’t belong here.  These disappointments shouldn’t feel normal to me.  They pain my heart.  They pain my Maker’s heart.   In the beginning, He created mankind to know only goodness and kindness.

And so these musings are little escapes from the daily grind.  From the things I have to do and get done: a step back to focus on how the details make up the whole picture.   It makes me realize that the way I do those things should look different.  If I’m blooming where I’m planted I shouldn’t just be a wall flower but a living stone  People should be able to see my Maker in me and that somehow I do belong here, because that is His purpose for me right now.  But…in the grand scheme of things, this is all temporary.    I’m in the “here and now” but someday I will look back.  I will have to give account.   I should invest and serve in such a way that  I won’t regret how I spent my time.  So today I have to be thoughtful and want to reflect prayerfully on how I move forward.  I know I can only spend my time once.   Experience teaches that lesson, sometimes delightfully but often painfully.    

I have some realignment to do; there are important temporal things that have to get done.    But the way I do those things in the context of hindsight, will make all the difference.    


Others may not understand the rationale.   

Sometimes priorities just defy worldly logic.

Biggest Small Group

It's going to be a bit anticlimatic getting back to work right about now....so I'm punching out for a bit...just to contemplate.   Being self-employed has its perks.

Spiritual emphasis week took place at the high school this week.  The theme is "Being transformed through Christ".    I was able to go to 3 of the 5 chapels this week...and it's been so great to just soak in this message.  Life is sooo hectic right now and these oasis moments have been an opportunity to focus on God and what He has done, is doing, and wants to do in my life.  

I'm sitting in the crowd with a couple of hundred teenagers...also soaking in these words, or at least being showered with these words.  I hope they experience a sprinkling....a watering of the seed that is in their souls...    This work is ongoing...even in those of us who have navigated the waters of adolescence...still works in progress.   Still transforming, still being encouraged and still seeking to be conduits of God's glory here in this world.  

Even today, I have to be who I am in the place where God has called me to be.  To accept myself ...all my fears and failures and to claim my identity in Him....the way He created me to be.   To bloom fully and reflect that out into the world and back to Him.   His workmanship in me.

I haven't arrived....but I'm on the Way.  

Do You See What I See?

 I have to admit that I rarely take as many photos as I wish I did.   Part of that is not wanting to live a life behind the lens but being in the moment. ...especially when the moment is fleeting.   Recently, an opportunity to visit PEI presented itself and I jumped at it! I wish I took more photos....    One cold morning I did sneak out for a bit.   Just to get the lay of the land.   There's just something about it.

An old Kenny Rogers' song talks about "still walking the furrowed fields of my mind"...and while I am no Reuben James....that visual resonates with me. 
The farm and my people at home are busy harvesting.   I was surprised how much I loved riding in the truck and tractor with my brothers, visiting the field and the warehouse...just like the old days.   
I loved the wide open space...seeing the weather move in and move along.   I loved being able to hear the surf pound    I loved standing in front of the barn that used to house my horse...miserable cuss that he was.

 I loved the smell of trucks and potatoes and soil.    When I drive in my current countryside and smell farm smells....this is where it takes me....these fields of my mind.   This place.   The place I grew up and that still holds some of my roots....and people that I have journeyed with.    It was especially neat to worship in my "home" church with the people who made promises when I made Profession of Faith.  I loved making cards with my sisters and their daughters.  To be creative together and inspire and encourage each other...but mostly...just to be in the same room together. 

So my mind loves both details and wide open spaces, reconnecting with the people.    Technology allows us glimpses into each other lives but it's the face to face time that re-roots us.  

Wow...the family reunion is so far away.